Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Traditional Family VALIUM

Few months ago I remember asking to few people, what was their concept of traditional family values. And I could never get to write about it, simply because nowadays, it seems to be the less important part of our societies.

I've thought of the pros and cons. From how important it's having a solid base, a group of people who feel natural empathy for us. To pondering the idea of complete destruction of the institution we know as family.

Let me start stating: I do not believe in following traditions. In the sense that I don't believe in things you have to do, because other people came up with that idea, to waste their time in the past. I believe in ("positive") evolving, in improvements suiting our particular lifestyles and needs.

This takes me to this specific time of the year. When so many persons come with this big drama about their parents and relatives. People not wanting to spend their time with their family, people doing it because they feel they had no choice.

If you read one of my previous entries, The Spirit of Christmas, you have a fairly good idea of what I think about this time of the year, so let's skip that part, and just say it's frivolous meaningless bullshit. Okay? let's move on.

Some years ago, I said fuck tradition, I'm gonna make my own Christmas and new years eve "tradition". And I stopped spending those days with my family. At the time, I had a lot of troubles with them, I kept them at distance. For seven years maybe, I would rather spend that time with my friends, boyfriend or alone and drunk. Of course that hurt them, but eventually they rolled with it. That time gave me some new perspective. After all were gone: friends, boyfriends; my family was still there.

I don't know if they feel it's their duty, thanks to some almost supernatural force that bind them to care about me. I don't know if I'm somewhat lucky, and not all families care (I know for sure a part of my family doesn't care. They don't matter, so whatever). I don't know if they're just too used to me. But the fact remains the same, their attitude makes me want to give back in some way and be thankful.

I spent part of Christmas eve with them, and despite my cynicism and how complicated things are between us, I enjoyed myself, I really did. I appreciated all gifts, fatty food and screwdrivers, the bad jokes, the trolling, the long talks about stuff I couldn't possibly give two fucks about.

And I did it because I chose to, not because I'm compelled to follow traditions, but because I know it's important for them, and it's the perfect time to be together (vacations and all). I don't know for how long I'll have the opportunity to share my life with this bunch of silly dumbfucks, who genuinely care about what happens to me. (This year was bad for some of them, health-wise.) I don't want to be in ten years or two months, without them, and regretting how I didn't enjoy them while I still had the chance, regretting that I couldn't fix our relationship, while I could.

Sure, we're not very compatible, we don't think the same way, I often ask myself "HOW CAN I BE RELATED TO THESE PEOPLE?". In other circumstances I wouldn't be friends with them, hell, I wouldn't even talk to these persons. But that's what a family is. People who don't necessarily like you, people who won't kiss your ass because you're hot and have an awesome personality. But people who will care enough to call you sometimes and see what's going on with you. People who will be in the hospital with you, when you're sick and all your friends are busy. People who will judge you merciless for your flaws (even if it's a matter of perception and moral). People who will give a fuck for something as stupid as, you spending new years eve alone, and people who will get you a shitty gift.

It's bound to create conflict, as you can see.

In the end of the day, all the good and bad, just reflect the same: they care ENOUGH, probably like no one else will ever do, other than the family you spawn on your own. And they do, just because you exist.

I know I'll still complain in the future about them, and we'll have conflicts and arguments, we'll try to poison each others, throw knives at each others, etc, like all normal people do. But I don't let myself forget the importance, even in the worst moments, of having them around.

No one said it was easy dealing with your relatives, especially in a chaotic society, where dysfunctional families are the norm, where traditions and morals mean shit. But think that at least you have that, and be grateful. Double grateful, if you have both of your parents, alive, in one piece and not in prison.

Happy new year? (:


  1. I couldn't agree more.

    There is uncomfortable feeling you get the day you realize that there is no one in your family like you. Nobody gets why you are the way you are, some of them kinda wish you were different... but even when my family doesn't really understand what I'm all about, these guys traveled for fucking miles just to be at my side when I graduated from college.

    I value that shit a lot. That matters, big-fucking-time.

  2. Exactly. And you eventually accept, they won't be like you, you won't be able to share certain stuff with them. Yet the sense of loyalty is something important (and very hard to get from anyone who's not related by blood to you).